As a team, we navigate this transformational process together, with an internal and external focus:

• Honoring Yourself: Rediscover who you are and capitalize on your strengths and growth opportunities. Identify your own unique qualities, abilities, and values and maximize your energy flow to show up as your Best Self.

• Creating Inner Awareness: Develop an awareness of your thinking patterns, triggers and hot buttons, and learn how to alter your choices and choose different behaviors to produce different outcomes. Develop a shift in perspective, pivoting from your destructive divorce story to rewriting your story of freedom. 

• Identifying your Sphere of Control: Relinquish control of everything and realize what is within your realm of control; establish boundaries for existing and new relationships, determine best negotiation tactics and communication style for respecting these relationships. 

• Overcoming Obstacles: Boost your energy reserves and resilience, paying attention to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Determine what goals are most important to you in your next chapter, and what can potentially derail you. Explore your passions and play your Bigger Game, clarifying your Purpose in your next chapter of life.

• Shift your Mindset: Don’t let your divorce story sabotage your decision making or your future! Move through the grieving process to healing and happiness. Harness the energy and key learnings from your divorce and allow it to serve as a catalyst for change in your life. A shift in perspective and beliefs can create clarity in choosing different paths, which lead to different outcomes, resulting in the creation of a newly transformed life.

My Recent Interviews:

• Interview with WPBF Channel 25 News: Divorce Coaches are a Growing Group of Professionals Helping People Untie the Knot

• Interview with Ilyssa Panitz of Authority Magazine: Certified Divorce Coach Lane Crall Explains Why Corporate America is Throwing Money Out the Window by Not Helping Employees Divorce (Read Full Interview Below)

  Divorce Coach Lane Crall says companies should build a “Divorce Awareness and Sensitivity Program” and educate their managers how to support their divorcing employees.

  Stumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, can’t pour yourself a cup of ambition or manage to come to life. When you’re working nine to five, going through a divorce, having trouble making a living and you’re barely getting by because it’s all taking and no giving of a direction — you want to scream! On average, people are at the office eight hours a day. If employers want their staff to be productive while they are at their desks and going through a divorce, they need create programs that will provide support. Corporations designate money to implement “Sexual Harassment Programs & Discussions; Gender and Racial Equality and Work/Life Balance Programs/Discussions,” which yes, are needed. But if up to 50% of all first marriages end in a divorce, why isn’t Corporate America designing “Divorce Support Programs” to help their staff going through this life altering event? Lane Crall is a Certified Divorce Coach and the founder of, “Now & Then Coaching.” Lane has a master’s degree in human resources and spent years working in the HR field. In addition to these skills, Lane also has extensive experience in employee relations coaching, career coaching, performance development, communication, and change management.

  Ilyssa Panitz: How can combining HR and the Divorce Field help a person stay levelheaded and focused at the office?

  
  Lane Crall: With my Master’s degree and corporate experience in Human Resources, which includes training, employee relations coaching, performance development, and staffing, along with my private coaching practice serving divorcing clients, I’ve learned how important it is to support individuals who are strong performers but struggling through a major life transition. With over half of all marriages ending in divorce, all companies have employees who are experiencing or will experience the challenges and obstacles that a divorce will present in the workplace. It is imperative that companies consult with an expert who has the educational background as well as the practical experience in dealing with these kinds of challenges to effectively train and advise the company’s managerial team on how to best support and retain these employees.

  Ilyssa Panitz: Why aren’t companies implementing resources to help divorcing employees so they can continue to bring their A game to table?
  
  Lane Crall: Although US companies have acknowledged the need for mental health and wellness programs and Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), and many businesses provide these kinds of important services along with their standard health benefits package to employees, most companies do not understand the importance of providing non-mental health, non-counseling benefits, and support programs. Until recently, there has not been much importance given to the special challenges of divorce in the workplace, but now recent studies cited that Divorce costs US businesses $150 Billion per year. As more companies hear about that impact on their bottom line and witness the real challenges that employees are facing, they will realize that Divorce Coaching and Managerial Training is a new expert field to garner the support they need. This is an exciting new arena where the demands and needs of divorcing individuals have created a new supply of divorce coaches.

  Ilyssa Panitz: How can a divorce coach such as yourself help employers support staff members going through a divorce?
  
  Lane Crall: I tell individuals who are contemplating divorce that their first call should be to a Certified Divorce Coach to help you assemble your team of experts, including selecting your attorney and other professionals who specialize in divorce that you might need, such as CDFAs, CDLPs, CDREs, Special Needs Consultants, Mediators, Co-parenting coordinators; this ensures you’re getting advice from industry experts and helps you make informed decisions and design creative outcomes. The same goes for companies: they should partner with a Divorce Coach to not only ensure their employees are getting support, but also their managers are getting the training and support they need to better quip themselves with the tools necessary to understand the challenges and obstacles these employees are likely to face, and how to align their managerial practices and company policies accordingly.

  Ilyssa Panitz: Why do companies feel the economic impact of an employee’s divorce?
  
  Lane Crall: Understandably, employees bring their daily challenges to work — this includes any stresses or conflict they may be dealing with at home, such as a separation or divorce. In fact, the Harvard Business Review recently stated that Divorce has a $150 Billion impact on the US Business bottom line. This highlights the importance of ensuring that corporate managerial teams and HR teams are better equipped to deal with the challenges and performance issues that stem from employees going through divorce. Specifically, absenteeism and sick leave increase, as do mistakes/errors, and low productivity, and subsequently the resulting resignations and involuntary terminations rise to contribute to this hemorrhaging of cash. Also considering that on average, it costs 1.5 times the average salary to replace that employee, it just makes good business sense to support and retain these employees instead. Companies need to acknowledge the need for Divorce Awareness and Sensitivity Training and offer this training to their HR team and managerial staff. Additionally, companies can offer private coaching solutions with Certified Divorce Coaches to support their divorcing employees directly.

  Ilyssa Panitz: What types of programs should companies be developing for this life altering event?
  
  Lane Crall: First and foremost, companies should provide Divorce Awareness and Sensitivity training to arm their managers with the tools necessary to better support and assist their divorcing employees. I’ve designed four training modules, focusing on specific managerial competencies that deal with understanding and supporting divorcing employees in the workplace. In these modules, I teach specific concepts and methods of reflective listening, recognizing red flags of distress and signs of domestic violence, understanding the somatic impact on the body and physical manifestations of this stress, honoring the divorcing employee’s privacy and confidentiality, designing a safe space for their private phone calls, and respecting the circuitous movement of the cycle of grief and healing. This training also gives communication tools and dialog examples that are supporting, not advising statements. Managers learn healthy coping techniques, self-care ideas, differentiating between empowering and dis-empowering comments, how to manage common biases and stereotypes about divorce, understanding how fears drive conflict, and analyzing different kinds of anger triggers and how to help employees unhook from them and pivot. This training is comprehensive and promotes an environment that supports the employees, but it is important to note that it is critical to hold the employees accountable to their job performance; it’s not a free pass! As a coach and training consultant, I conduct a total review of the employee handbook, policies & procedures manual, workspace design, alternative work schedules, job sharing and cross-training programs, EAP program, health & wellness program, and the total package of benefits and services to make sure these also align with corporate support values. Companies should also consider providing external services like private coaching services, legal services hotlines, or concierge services to assist not just divorcing employees, but any and all employees who will experience life transitions from time to time. It is important to assess the job flow, job sharing ideas and cross-training to minimize any impact absenteeism would have; a thorough review of the company’s current succession plan is needed to make sure it’s up to date and in place to slide people into different jobs as needed. It’s all about supporting and retaining the employee because it’s much more economical to keep your employee than deal with costly performance problems, mistakes, and terminations!
  
  Ilyssa Panitz: You’ve developed modules that have effective outcomes — what are they?
  
  Lane Crall: For clients who are in the beginning or middle of navigating the divorcing process, I have designed a series called “Survive”, which includes ten specific modules dealing with assembling a team of experts, what kind of attorney is needed — vetting questions to ask, getting organized & prepared for the financial affidavit, understanding different communication styles, managing and de-escalating emotions, negotiation tactics, dealing with high conflict, co-parenting considerations, as well as exercises like role play and scripting to help with difficult conversations with a spouse or kids. For those clients emerging from the process, I have created the “Thrive” series, which are ten modules for those whose Marital Settlement Agreement has been signed, but the clients wonder “How do I live with what we’ve agreed upon? How do I integrate these decisions and rulings into my life and my children’s lives?” We focus on anger triggers & the pivot technique, conduct a total loss impact inventory, explore the healing process, assess the client’s Change Readiness, analyze the client’s locus of control and mindset, self-care techniques, the somatic divorce impact on your body, and practice the visualization of your new Best Life. It’s all about creating the client’s next chapter of life and a corresponding intentional action plan for the client to get there! The divorcing client builds their self-confidence and becomes more self-reliant and empowered as they create a more fulfilling life; they typically remark that they experience peace of mind and less overwhelm and anxiety as they transition to their new life of joy, happiness, love, and not having to walk on eggshells anymore!

  Ilyssa Panitz: Can a divorce coach teach someone about the divorce process?
  
  Lane Crall: While a Certified Divorce Coach can assist with referrals to attorneys and other industry experts and explain basic pitfalls to avoid during the divorce process, coaches should NOT be advising clients on anything legal, nor should they do any advising at all- not on legal issues, financial concerns, or even psychiatric counseling or diagnoses. It is important to note that the divorcing client remains the decision maker, and the divorce coach is a thinking partner, someone to illuminate different paths and options for the client to explore as they analyze their decision-making options. A divorce coach can help the client assemble a divorce team, including developing questions the client should consider when selecting an attorney, or explaining the roles of Mediators, Co-parenting Coordinators, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, Certified Divorce Lending Professionals, Realtors who specialize in the unique challenges that accompany divorce, and even experts who specialize in Special Education parenting as a Chartered Special Needs Consultant. An attorney should advise the client on the legal side of divorce — but for all the non-legal issues, the client needs a divorce coach!

  Ilyssa Panitz: Why should people label and process their emotions?
  
  Lane Crall: People are often uncomfortable with their emotions; we are taught that showing feelings and emotions is a weak characteristic; that people should feel good and not feel bad. Therefore, people get in the habit of covering up their emotions and hiding their true feelings for fear of being weak, vulnerable, or just not wanting to feel the pain. Instead, you need to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable; to understand that we cannot — and should not — feel positive all the time. Toxic positivity is a real thing; get in touch with your emotions, evaluate them, label the “affects”, and integrate them into your life. In fact, the concept of “affect labeling” is putting words to the actual feelings you experience, and science has shown that this disrupts the emotional activity experienced in the amygdala part of the brain and enables a person to more effectively manage their feelings. Recognize the pain and acknowledge and label emotions that accompany it; don’t deny their existence or suppress it. That is the only way to transcend the pain, acknowledge the loss, and experience true healing.

  Ilyssa Panitz: Should people put emotions on the front seat as opposed to backseat, and if so, why?
  
  Lane Crall: Emotions tend to run extremely high during a divorce, which is normal, but it’s critical that you try to keep your emotions in the “BACKSEAT” where they belong — “NOT” the driver’s seat where you’re making critical decisions and behavioral choices! Logic and reason need to drive your analysis and decision making, “NOT” emotions! Otherwise, you’ll end up escalating the conflict and battling over the smallest details, spending a huge amount of money unnecessarily.

  Ilyssa Panitz: Why can de-escalating your emotions put more money back in your pocket?
  
  Lane Crall: De-escalating the conflict will greatly lessen the risk that you’ll drag the process on and go to court, since reasoning will be prevailing instead of emotions. You will actually spend less money overall and be more efficient with your money spent on attorney fees, because you’re not going to attorneys for non-legal issues. So having a coach to de-escalate conflict and be your thinking partner for the non-legal parts of divorce means actually SAVING money in the long run!

  Ilyssa Panitz: What are the four main keys to reboot and reinvent yourself after a divorce?
  
  Lane Crall: There are four keys to successful recovery:
  
  One: Your mindset: You’ve got to control what’s in your headspace! Don’t give your emotions and feelings the power to make critical decisions for you; you have to get rid of self-doubt, worries about failure, and any fears that can self-sabotage your actions. I know it’s difficult to make sound decisions while you’re understandably emotional and at your most vulnerable, but I help clients pivot and change this trajectory!
  
  Two: Deserve-ability: You create your own reality and shape your future based on what you believe you deserve! Do you feel that “this is my lot in life” or are you letting shame, guilt, or low self-confidence sabotage you? Are you letting your ex determine your truth? Instead, believe in a life of abundance that awaits you, and intentionally live with a renewed sense of purpose and plan.
  
  Three: Self-awareness: As a coach, I help clients take inventory of their unique talents, skills, abilities, values, goals, and dreams and determine potential stumbling blocks, barriers, as well as bridges to help them reach those goals in the creation of their new life.
  
  Four: Lastly, Action! Get up & move! Show up and focus on the present! As your sovereign self now, make sure your intentional actions align with your goals and set yourself on course! As sailors know, even if you’re just one degree off navigation — you’ll end up in an entirely different place!

  Ilyssa Panitz: How do you help clients get excited about life after divorce?
  
  Lane Crall: Divorce can be a unique opportunity for a do-over in life! It is NOT the end, but rather a beautiful new beginning that the individual can design and create now as their Sovereign Self! After emerging from a divorce, the individual is no longer part of a partnership, and therefore can decide exactly what they want in life: their own goals and dreams, career aspirations, where to live, what activities and interests to engage in, and even what they want and value in a next relationship. It’s certainly easier said than done, but it’s an amazing chance to reinvent & reboot as YOU 2.0! Recovering from the total loss impact of divorce and going through this transition process does have additional challenges for women who have often been out of the workforce for decades, have empty nests, and who have been out of the dating field for many years. It is understandably daunting for many people to face these obstacles while they are suffering from severe issues of low self-confidence and self-worth since this compound the normal loneliness and anxiety that accompanies a divorce. Women are often paralyzed with fear over the unknown, the fear of abandonment, and the loss of their personal and financial power; they can get stuck in their own divorce story and self-sabotaging, limiting beliefs. That is where a Certified Divorce Coach can help — by assisting them with the visualization of their Best Life and how to create an action plan to get them from their “Now” of anxiety and uncertainty to their “Then” of confidence, happiness, and peace of mind! As my clients’ thinking partner, we do introspective exercises, including some fun ones like designing Vision boards (storyboards), practicing the power of positivity, mindfulness & mindset shifting techniques, developing your internal locus of control, re-claiming your self-worth and power, and exploring how to create the future you believe you deserve. It’s about letting go of the life you had planned and plan the life you want!

  To learn more from Lane catch her on the Podcast version of, “The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz,” which you can listen to here.